Monday, March 29, 2010
On my #coonshit
So, if anyone to stumble upon this blog, they would see I haven't touched it in my more than 6 months. #kanyeshrugs My bad. My adult ADHD and sheer procrastination drove me away from what I love to do: RANTING. But, better late than never right? Two other writing projects (that I've also half assed on lol) and life really put me in a "fuck it!" state of mind. Totally NOT conducive to my growth. So, I'm gonna try to update at least weekly and whatnots. This is my weekly update. See ya next week LOL
Sunday, September 27, 2009
*An Oldie but goodie* My Open letter to bitter bitches
Dear Bitter Bitch and Co.,
Fuck what you heard. The phrase "Niggas ain't shit" is not a truth, but a mantra of some sorts to keep you Bitter Bitches grounded your twisted reality. It's something you say, day in and day out, to keep you complacent in your lonely lives. You and the rest of your Bitter Bitch Brigade will sit around and have Bitter Bitch Brigade Boy Bashing Bonanzas, and will repeat this mantra numerous of times. But the more you speak it, the less and less you see the need to improve yourselves. You BB give yourselves away with the scowls you wear. The cattiness towards other women. The blatant disrespect of men, even when he's not interested in you. The lack of home training (more rat than BB) you exude when you are rude to everyone. You want to blame men for your bitterness...But we soon forget....
Behind every 'Ain't Shit Nigga', is an 'Ain't Shit Bitch'.
You can't have a Barack Obama type man with a Whitney Houston Mentality.
As much as EYE HATE the term " I'm a real woman/man", I will agree with REAL RECOGNIZE REAL and if your so-called "real" hasn't been seen AND/OR appreciated, welp it's time to stop selling yourself dreams and buy a huge stock in the shit we like to call REAL MUTHAFUCKIN LIFE. There are so called "Real Women" encouraging ASN (Ain't Shit Nigga) behavior, knowing in their heart of hearts they are continuing the cycle of ASNs, but will use emotional reasoning over logic. Where is your breasticular fortitude?! What makes YOU a real woman? We're all real because we eat, sleep, breathe, and shit. But what makes you so real? A "REAL" woman wouldn't rant and rave about ASNs, because first of all, those types of men are NOT her focus, and secondly, her thought process would be evolving on how to steer clear of those types. A REAL woman would learn from her mistakes, take the loss, and keep it moving AND reach back and give another young girl the game.
You ever been going off on a guy and telling him what he AIN'T and instead of what he IS and he begins to tune you out? Apply that on a larger scale. For the most part, men will tune you out. OF LIFE. Why would a man gravitate towards a woman who believes that he isn't equal to her bowel movements? And after a while, the more you tell him this, the more he will exhibit these behaviors. Men do not respond well your shrill banshee shrieks of anger and resentment. Regardless of what you have, what you look like, what you earned....men do not entertain the negative bullshit. "You know what they say about those that sweat themselves...you might find yourself...by yourself..."
I write this because I have been a BB. I have said niggas ain't shit, but not realizing I had an ASB (Ain't Shit Bitch) mentality and carrying out ASB actions. So everything that has been done to me was not deserved, but in the natural order of things so to speak. I had a conversation with a friend last night about a piece they wrote and we had differing opinions on why there are ASBs. And in that conversation, they put majority of the blame on men for the existence of ASBs. For women to say they are strong and powerful creatures, why the FUCK are you giving up your power as a woman? For anyone to say that men are to blame for BBs (Bitter Bitches), is basically saying "well a man did this to me and I'm too weak to pick up the pieces of my life and think for myself, so he created this Succubus you see before you."
Fuck outta here with all that.
For every action, there is a reaction. But as free thinking animals, we have CHOICES. And most of you are making choices to ASSIST these men ASN behavior. You knew what he was about when you met him. You knew what he was about when you opened your mouth and spread your legs. And even if you didn't know what he was about, because I will say there are men that are well advanced in their craft of bedding women and can adapt quicker than the average bear, men will give themselves away without saying a damn thing. If a man can run over you, why would he leave a good thing? If you are not woman enough to step away, why should he respect you? Yes he may TELL you what you WANT to HEAR, but does he SHOW you what you NEED to SEE?
For instance, I was dating a guy last year. To the naked eye, he's a good catch. Tall, handsome, well put together, a career, a home, only 1 child, well spoken and articulate, a laid back easy going type of guy. When I met him and got to talking to him, all those attributes are what got me caught up. In the beginning, he was great. Had food waiting for me when I got to his house. If I went to work from his house in the mornings, he made breakfast..he even packed a lunch for me. Very attentive. Slowly but surely, the facade began to crack. Now I understand he has a son and that's always first priority, but he began to make plans with me, but then wouldn't call me for a day or so, but when he called, he would act like shit was all good and then claim it always had something to do with his son..Best excuse to use because he knew I wouldn't question that. Or when he said he would call me back and he didn't, he'd have the AUDACITY to be mad @ me because I didn't call him. He began telling little white lies. He got caught in a HUGE lie, but tried to turn the situation around on me and get into my head and make ME feel bad for busting him out. Now, to the simple bitch, all the good points I made about him would have overshadowed the ASN behaviors he's displaying. This man even told me he wanted me to have his daughter (mind you this is only after a couple of months of dating), but didn't think that I would make a good mother, and he would have the child with him and he'd raise her to be a daddy's girl. To the silly broad, that would have been oh so cute. But after realizing I hardly know this man and this man basically called me an unfit egg and uterus donor, I cut off all sexual contact. I stopped becoming as available as I once was. I don't want kids right now, let alone by HIM. He took notice. He called me with that sob story, "I miss you...I need some p*ssy baby...blahblahblah yaddayaddayadda". Then later on, he had the nerve to say that I'm gonna end up lonely because I don't play my part as a woman, I'm letting a good man get away, that there's plenty of women trying to be with him and I should learn to submit (to him a good man was him going to work and taking care of his son...nigga I'm not about to lick your balls over some shit you SUPPOSED to do). To this I replied, 'I have no problem submitting but I haven't met a man that's worth it". After he picked his face off the ground, we commenced to arguing some more, and that was that. He was not the man for me. He still calls and tries to get back in, but he tore his draws with me. His great points are not enough for me to forsake my reproductive organs.
Have I made bad decisions with men? Sure the fuck have. Will I continue to do so? Probably so. My situation in life isn't perfect. My judgment hasn't always mirrored my words. But the difference between me then and me now, is that I had to learn to accept fault and be accountable in my part of the cycle, no matter how much the truth hurts. But I can look in the mirror and say that I'm generally pleased with the decisions I make at this point in time. Please explain to me why a man has to raise his attempts to court you when you lower your standards? Women don't realize the power we have. Men may be the natural leaders, but women have so much influence that it's RIDICULOUS. Enough influence that the leader of our free world was impeached and all it took was a stain on a dress.
I'm not letting men off scott free. I don't feel bad for men that will knowingly lay with a crazy broad raw because she LET him and didn't make the smart choice, but will wonder where this baby came from? Men should also be more selective on who they lay with as hell. Men make dumbassed decisions daily. But they acknowledge that shit. They will be honest enough to say, "Yes I did it. I wanted to do it. I'll probably do it again."
They won't blame the ASB for their decisions they make. That I can respect. Women will find a scapegoat until there are no more and she gotta find a BILLYGOAT gruff to excuse her behavior. Men are hunters.... A man will sniff out and play off your insecurities. It is not to the fault of men why you do what you do. Excuses are tools of the incompetent......(you finish the rest)
You ever wonder why that homely chick has a man and keeps a man? She's smart. She can use her womanly wiles. Not to TRAP him, but to keep him coming back for whatever it is she's doing. Most of all..SHE AIN'T BITTER. You may look @ her and say, "How the hell did she get pull anyone?" The man that she has may not be the man you'd choose, but she has something you don't. A MAN! And she's HAPPY. Trust and believe, a woman with superior good looks doesn't mean she'll be a good woman and a woman with "less than desirable" physical attributes doesn't mean she'll be a bad one. Your social status in life is not a lifetime guarantee for love. Men look for more than a cute face and a fat ass when looking for a girlfriend/long term commitment. Ever know a huge man whore to marry, but she wasn't the most beautiful chick in the bunch? Cute enough, but nowhere near the women you've seen him with? A man with common sense will see a good woman..and he'll change, or he'll leave her and will get back with that when he's ready to settle down. It is survival of the fittest. Those that are fit, in a mans' eyes, for long term relationships and marriage will come out on top.... "Women choose who they want to have sex with but men choose who they marry." Chew on that for a spell....
I heard a girl tell another girl she shouldn't talk to a certain guy because he doesn't have swag. Now, if swag is a definite requirement for a man to be able to court you, can you blame him for treating you like shit? If all he needs to do is look a certain way to get a chance, why should he do more than the bare minimum? Have any of you ever written down your requirements of a potential partner and then PRIORITIZED THEM? Maybe therein lies the problem...
So, long story short, there is no one party that is more to blame than the other. Men and women are equally accountable for the discord between the sexes. As women raise their standards, men follow suit. One issue is directly or indirectly linked to and dependent on the other. But before you lay blame on who smudged the windows, please make sure your hands are clean. You BBs aren't as innocent as you'd like to believe.
Signed,
An irritated woman.
Fuck what you heard. The phrase "Niggas ain't shit" is not a truth, but a mantra of some sorts to keep you Bitter Bitches grounded your twisted reality. It's something you say, day in and day out, to keep you complacent in your lonely lives. You and the rest of your Bitter Bitch Brigade will sit around and have Bitter Bitch Brigade Boy Bashing Bonanzas, and will repeat this mantra numerous of times. But the more you speak it, the less and less you see the need to improve yourselves. You BB give yourselves away with the scowls you wear. The cattiness towards other women. The blatant disrespect of men, even when he's not interested in you. The lack of home training (more rat than BB) you exude when you are rude to everyone. You want to blame men for your bitterness...But we soon forget....
Behind every 'Ain't Shit Nigga', is an 'Ain't Shit Bitch'.
You can't have a Barack Obama type man with a Whitney Houston Mentality.
As much as EYE HATE the term " I'm a real woman/man", I will agree with REAL RECOGNIZE REAL and if your so-called "real" hasn't been seen AND/OR appreciated, welp it's time to stop selling yourself dreams and buy a huge stock in the shit we like to call REAL MUTHAFUCKIN LIFE. There are so called "Real Women" encouraging ASN (Ain't Shit Nigga) behavior, knowing in their heart of hearts they are continuing the cycle of ASNs, but will use emotional reasoning over logic. Where is your breasticular fortitude?! What makes YOU a real woman? We're all real because we eat, sleep, breathe, and shit. But what makes you so real? A "REAL" woman wouldn't rant and rave about ASNs, because first of all, those types of men are NOT her focus, and secondly, her thought process would be evolving on how to steer clear of those types. A REAL woman would learn from her mistakes, take the loss, and keep it moving AND reach back and give another young girl the game.
You ever been going off on a guy and telling him what he AIN'T and instead of what he IS and he begins to tune you out? Apply that on a larger scale. For the most part, men will tune you out. OF LIFE. Why would a man gravitate towards a woman who believes that he isn't equal to her bowel movements? And after a while, the more you tell him this, the more he will exhibit these behaviors. Men do not respond well your shrill banshee shrieks of anger and resentment. Regardless of what you have, what you look like, what you earned....men do not entertain the negative bullshit. "You know what they say about those that sweat themselves...you might find yourself...by yourself..."
I write this because I have been a BB. I have said niggas ain't shit, but not realizing I had an ASB (Ain't Shit Bitch) mentality and carrying out ASB actions. So everything that has been done to me was not deserved, but in the natural order of things so to speak. I had a conversation with a friend last night about a piece they wrote and we had differing opinions on why there are ASBs. And in that conversation, they put majority of the blame on men for the existence of ASBs. For women to say they are strong and powerful creatures, why the FUCK are you giving up your power as a woman? For anyone to say that men are to blame for BBs (Bitter Bitches), is basically saying "well a man did this to me and I'm too weak to pick up the pieces of my life and think for myself, so he created this Succubus you see before you."
Fuck outta here with all that.
For every action, there is a reaction. But as free thinking animals, we have CHOICES. And most of you are making choices to ASSIST these men ASN behavior. You knew what he was about when you met him. You knew what he was about when you opened your mouth and spread your legs. And even if you didn't know what he was about, because I will say there are men that are well advanced in their craft of bedding women and can adapt quicker than the average bear, men will give themselves away without saying a damn thing. If a man can run over you, why would he leave a good thing? If you are not woman enough to step away, why should he respect you? Yes he may TELL you what you WANT to HEAR, but does he SHOW you what you NEED to SEE?
For instance, I was dating a guy last year. To the naked eye, he's a good catch. Tall, handsome, well put together, a career, a home, only 1 child, well spoken and articulate, a laid back easy going type of guy. When I met him and got to talking to him, all those attributes are what got me caught up. In the beginning, he was great. Had food waiting for me when I got to his house. If I went to work from his house in the mornings, he made breakfast..he even packed a lunch for me. Very attentive. Slowly but surely, the facade began to crack. Now I understand he has a son and that's always first priority, but he began to make plans with me, but then wouldn't call me for a day or so, but when he called, he would act like shit was all good and then claim it always had something to do with his son..Best excuse to use because he knew I wouldn't question that. Or when he said he would call me back and he didn't, he'd have the AUDACITY to be mad @ me because I didn't call him. He began telling little white lies. He got caught in a HUGE lie, but tried to turn the situation around on me and get into my head and make ME feel bad for busting him out. Now, to the simple bitch, all the good points I made about him would have overshadowed the ASN behaviors he's displaying. This man even told me he wanted me to have his daughter (mind you this is only after a couple of months of dating), but didn't think that I would make a good mother, and he would have the child with him and he'd raise her to be a daddy's girl. To the silly broad, that would have been oh so cute. But after realizing I hardly know this man and this man basically called me an unfit egg and uterus donor, I cut off all sexual contact. I stopped becoming as available as I once was. I don't want kids right now, let alone by HIM. He took notice. He called me with that sob story, "I miss you...I need some p*ssy baby...blahblahblah yaddayaddayadda". Then later on, he had the nerve to say that I'm gonna end up lonely because I don't play my part as a woman, I'm letting a good man get away, that there's plenty of women trying to be with him and I should learn to submit (to him a good man was him going to work and taking care of his son...nigga I'm not about to lick your balls over some shit you SUPPOSED to do). To this I replied, 'I have no problem submitting but I haven't met a man that's worth it". After he picked his face off the ground, we commenced to arguing some more, and that was that. He was not the man for me. He still calls and tries to get back in, but he tore his draws with me. His great points are not enough for me to forsake my reproductive organs.
Have I made bad decisions with men? Sure the fuck have. Will I continue to do so? Probably so. My situation in life isn't perfect. My judgment hasn't always mirrored my words. But the difference between me then and me now, is that I had to learn to accept fault and be accountable in my part of the cycle, no matter how much the truth hurts. But I can look in the mirror and say that I'm generally pleased with the decisions I make at this point in time. Please explain to me why a man has to raise his attempts to court you when you lower your standards? Women don't realize the power we have. Men may be the natural leaders, but women have so much influence that it's RIDICULOUS. Enough influence that the leader of our free world was impeached and all it took was a stain on a dress.
I'm not letting men off scott free. I don't feel bad for men that will knowingly lay with a crazy broad raw because she LET him and didn't make the smart choice, but will wonder where this baby came from? Men should also be more selective on who they lay with as hell. Men make dumbassed decisions daily. But they acknowledge that shit. They will be honest enough to say, "Yes I did it. I wanted to do it. I'll probably do it again."
They won't blame the ASB for their decisions they make. That I can respect. Women will find a scapegoat until there are no more and she gotta find a BILLYGOAT gruff to excuse her behavior. Men are hunters.... A man will sniff out and play off your insecurities. It is not to the fault of men why you do what you do. Excuses are tools of the incompetent......(you finish the rest)
You ever wonder why that homely chick has a man and keeps a man? She's smart. She can use her womanly wiles. Not to TRAP him, but to keep him coming back for whatever it is she's doing. Most of all..SHE AIN'T BITTER. You may look @ her and say, "How the hell did she get pull anyone?" The man that she has may not be the man you'd choose, but she has something you don't. A MAN! And she's HAPPY. Trust and believe, a woman with superior good looks doesn't mean she'll be a good woman and a woman with "less than desirable" physical attributes doesn't mean she'll be a bad one. Your social status in life is not a lifetime guarantee for love. Men look for more than a cute face and a fat ass when looking for a girlfriend/long term commitment. Ever know a huge man whore to marry, but she wasn't the most beautiful chick in the bunch? Cute enough, but nowhere near the women you've seen him with? A man with common sense will see a good woman..and he'll change, or he'll leave her and will get back with that when he's ready to settle down. It is survival of the fittest. Those that are fit, in a mans' eyes, for long term relationships and marriage will come out on top.... "Women choose who they want to have sex with but men choose who they marry." Chew on that for a spell....
I heard a girl tell another girl she shouldn't talk to a certain guy because he doesn't have swag. Now, if swag is a definite requirement for a man to be able to court you, can you blame him for treating you like shit? If all he needs to do is look a certain way to get a chance, why should he do more than the bare minimum? Have any of you ever written down your requirements of a potential partner and then PRIORITIZED THEM? Maybe therein lies the problem...
So, long story short, there is no one party that is more to blame than the other. Men and women are equally accountable for the discord between the sexes. As women raise their standards, men follow suit. One issue is directly or indirectly linked to and dependent on the other. But before you lay blame on who smudged the windows, please make sure your hands are clean. You BBs aren't as innocent as you'd like to believe.
Signed,
An irritated woman.
....this is for the cool in you.....
You've seen them. The guy that may not be the best looking, or may not be the best dressed. He may not have the most money, the best car...your regular average Joe. But he keeps a chick. A chick that you may say to yourself, "how the fuck did he pull that?!" and makes you second guess yourself. Provided that this is a healthy relationship, there's really a simple reason why these average cats pull above average women. A factor that is missing from a lot of people these days.
One of the missing pieces in relations and interactions betwixt the opposite sex. This piece is simply called...
"The Cool"
.....or the balance of personality traits. A even tempered, level headed demeanor. Not too much, nor not enough. "The Cool" is really what pulls people in. You give enough to make someone want to learn more about you, but not enough to turn them away. They seem interesting enough..intriguing actually. But the one thing that really sticks with you is, "Damn..they cool as shit".
Assertive, not yet aggressive. Passionate, not yet nonchalant or fanatical. Protective, not yet overbearing or timid. Affectionate, not too crowding, or too distant. Intelligent, but not condescending nor totally ignorant..and often willing to learn or to enlighten others. Funny, but not too dry, but not a constant comedian to where someone is totally incapable of taking you seriously. Usually keeps an open mind, sure of themself...not afraid to let you know when you're getting outta pocket, but keeps it cool. Knows when to turn off the funny/asshole/whatever personality trait and get serious or vice versa.
Someone may consider this "swag", but you can have "swag", but still be a bitch/bitch ass nigga..an idiot..a pussywillow ass person.. a total and complete asshole....or plain annoying. The swag is what you see on the outside..someone's "spokesperson" so to speak. It's possible to have no swag at all, but possess "The Cool". "The Cool" is something that can't be taught, bought, nor sold. Although, your own personal cool can grow and evolve.
".....I'm cool like that...."
1) Bragging about your personal effects, your personal accomplishments, who you know, where you're going, where you've been, and how independent you are does not make one cool. If it's all authentic diction, then great! But it appears as if you're trying to hard to make people like you. But if you can only attract people to you SOLELY because the aforementioned, then my friend you are not cool. Let your accomplishments speak for yourself. Feel free to make mention of these things, but don't let that be your calling card. Don't be the person when you open your mouth, people are rolling their eyes in anticipation of what BS you shall spew forth next. The more you talk about it, the more it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself.
1a) Chill the fuck out. You're loud in the club...or everywhere you go. Stay geeked up. Either you're looking for a fight, always cracking jokes about EVERYTHING, or wanting to be center of attention. On the reverse, you stay with a stank look your face...unapproachable....rude when approached...or just a Debbie Downer...just relax!
"....Cool it now..."
-nobody likes the person who is so forward or aggressive in their approach that it totally turns someone off. Men, please do not approach a woman you want to talk to, chill with, or simply want to smash with "waddup sexy...how yo thick ass doing? damn you got a fat ass...blah blah blah" or whatever sexual thought you have that you possibly think is a compliment. There's a fine line between flirting of the sexual nature and just being plain perv. If you just want the draws, be cool in your approach. You must learn when you can cross that boundary. After you tell us something, especially when it was unwarranted and it comes totally out of left field, what do you want them to say? Women...men like the thrill of the chase. If you are surrendering your goodies, be demure in your defeat LOL. Even if you genuinely like a person, compliments don't hurt; they are welcomed. However, don't let half your conversation with the person of interest be you wearing your heart on your sleeve. The other person is seriously checking to see if you have a backbone of some sort. The Urkel like declarations of love..not cool. Everyone appreciates honesty, but you gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
(Sidebar: I find it totally hilarious that Ralphy T's "Sensitivity" is playing right now)
"...take off your cool...."
-You're digging someone. The feeling is most definitely mutual. But, you're guarded, so you keep a TOO cool demeanor which hinders you from being honest about how you feel. You don't have to tear down your walls in a day...just brick by brick. Never think that you have to play defense at all times just to keep the upper hand. People choose not to express feelings because they want to keep the pendulum of power swinging in their direction. That is the first indication of future problems in relationships. It starts off with the incapability of not wanting to express feelings, but it turns into more later on..but the fact remains its will be a constant power struggle.
"...The Cool Jerk..."
-Everyone has a bit of asshole in them. So not a problem. But, to be the one that has to have a negative comment on EVERYTHING when it's really not warranted....yea you suck for that. If someone says it's a lovely day outside, why be known as that abortion gone wrong of an asshole to come and rain on their happy day? People can have their opinions but it's totally obvious when you're being a dick just because you woke up that morning.
".....I wanna thank you girl..for the chill in you...especially for you being so cool..."
-women don't think this only applies to men. When we're turned all the way up, or shut all the way down, men tend to tune us out. You can feel some kinda way about anything you want to, but keep your composure with it. Let him watch his sports, have his extracurricular activities without you, or having to seek your (unneeded) approval or challenging him at every moment. Learning how to stand down will eventually get you your way in the long run.
....just chill.....relax............
One of the missing pieces in relations and interactions betwixt the opposite sex. This piece is simply called...
"The Cool"
.....or the balance of personality traits. A even tempered, level headed demeanor. Not too much, nor not enough. "The Cool" is really what pulls people in. You give enough to make someone want to learn more about you, but not enough to turn them away. They seem interesting enough..intriguing actually. But the one thing that really sticks with you is, "Damn..they cool as shit".
Assertive, not yet aggressive. Passionate, not yet nonchalant or fanatical. Protective, not yet overbearing or timid. Affectionate, not too crowding, or too distant. Intelligent, but not condescending nor totally ignorant..and often willing to learn or to enlighten others. Funny, but not too dry, but not a constant comedian to where someone is totally incapable of taking you seriously. Usually keeps an open mind, sure of themself...not afraid to let you know when you're getting outta pocket, but keeps it cool. Knows when to turn off the funny/asshole/whatever personality trait and get serious or vice versa.
Someone may consider this "swag", but you can have "swag", but still be a bitch/bitch ass nigga..an idiot..a pussywillow ass person.. a total and complete asshole....or plain annoying. The swag is what you see on the outside..someone's "spokesperson" so to speak. It's possible to have no swag at all, but possess "The Cool". "The Cool" is something that can't be taught, bought, nor sold. Although, your own personal cool can grow and evolve.
".....I'm cool like that...."
1) Bragging about your personal effects, your personal accomplishments, who you know, where you're going, where you've been, and how independent you are does not make one cool. If it's all authentic diction, then great! But it appears as if you're trying to hard to make people like you. But if you can only attract people to you SOLELY because the aforementioned, then my friend you are not cool. Let your accomplishments speak for yourself. Feel free to make mention of these things, but don't let that be your calling card. Don't be the person when you open your mouth, people are rolling their eyes in anticipation of what BS you shall spew forth next. The more you talk about it, the more it sounds like you're trying to convince yourself.
1a) Chill the fuck out. You're loud in the club...or everywhere you go. Stay geeked up. Either you're looking for a fight, always cracking jokes about EVERYTHING, or wanting to be center of attention. On the reverse, you stay with a stank look your face...unapproachable....r
"....Cool it now..."
-nobody likes the person who is so forward or aggressive in their approach that it totally turns someone off. Men, please do not approach a woman you want to talk to, chill with, or simply want to smash with "waddup sexy...how yo thick ass doing? damn you got a fat ass...blah blah blah" or whatever sexual thought you have that you possibly think is a compliment. There's a fine line between flirting of the sexual nature and just being plain perv. If you just want the draws, be cool in your approach. You must learn when you can cross that boundary. After you tell us something, especially when it was unwarranted and it comes totally out of left field, what do you want them to say? Women...men like the thrill of the chase. If you are surrendering your goodies, be demure in your defeat LOL. Even if you genuinely like a person, compliments don't hurt; they are welcomed. However, don't let half your conversation with the person of interest be you wearing your heart on your sleeve. The other person is seriously checking to see if you have a backbone of some sort. The Urkel like declarations of love..not cool. Everyone appreciates honesty, but you gotta know when to hold them and know when to fold them.
(Sidebar: I find it totally hilarious that Ralphy T's "Sensitivity" is playing right now)
"...take off your cool...."
-You're digging someone. The feeling is most definitely mutual. But, you're guarded, so you keep a TOO cool demeanor which hinders you from being honest about how you feel. You don't have to tear down your walls in a day...just brick by brick. Never think that you have to play defense at all times just to keep the upper hand. People choose not to express feelings because they want to keep the pendulum of power swinging in their direction. That is the first indication of future problems in relationships. It starts off with the incapability of not wanting to express feelings, but it turns into more later on..but the fact remains its will be a constant power struggle.
"...The Cool Jerk..."
-Everyone has a bit of asshole in them. So not a problem. But, to be the one that has to have a negative comment on EVERYTHING when it's really not warranted....yea you suck for that. If someone says it's a lovely day outside, why be known as that abortion gone wrong of an asshole to come and rain on their happy day? People can have their opinions but it's totally obvious when you're being a dick just because you woke up that morning.
".....I wanna thank you girl..for the chill in you...especially for you being so cool..."
-women don't think this only applies to men. When we're turned all the way up, or shut all the way down, men tend to tune us out. You can feel some kinda way about anything you want to, but keep your composure with it. Let him watch his sports, have his extracurricular activities without you, or having to seek your (unneeded) approval or challenging him at every moment. Learning how to stand down will eventually get you your way in the long run.
....just chill.....relax...........
Monday, March 9, 2009
The Friend Zone...The Breakdown of this Dreaded Abyss
*Author's Note* This doesn't apply to 2 people who have agreed upon and/or grew into a mutual platonic, brother/sister relationship...this note is pertaining to unrequited feelings...
So, today I was reading a note about being put in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE (or for you men reading, putting women in the the Jump Off Zone) and the people that responded had these long, drawn out, elaborate reasons as to why one would be put in the FZ. But between that and the bitter ass men that sound more and more like women when discussing the opposite sex.... (and yes, I have been FZ'd (and JOZ'd) and I have done some FZ'ing JOZ'ing)
It all boils down to one basic thing...Aretha said it best....
R-E-S-P-E-C-T...and how it's given. (And the simple fact...THEY'RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!)
Now why would a woman put a man in the FZ? A seemingly GOOD man at that? She doesn't respect you in the romantic sense. Meaning...she thinks you're a pussy. She may respect you as a person, as a friend, or whatever title she gave you..but not as a man she can give her heart to and trust with it.
Different women have 39948948957 traits they look for in a man, but one thing remains constant...A STAND UP MAN. Meaning a man that's not afraid to lead, because most women would not mind, and would LOVE to submit (not meaning docile..but letting a man take his natural role in the relationship) to a man, but they know that man would guide her and the relationship in a direction that's beneficial for the BOTH of them, and would also confer with her before making any final decisions. Contrary to popular belief (and romance novels) , these are not always the most gorgeous men you've ever laid your eyes on. But he is still a man that is secure and confident in his masculinity, but not afraid to show his passion for her without thinking he's soft or a simp because he can appreciate the woman he has. If something catastrophic happened and she broke down, she know that man will be the rock she needs and he'll let her lean on him, but he will build her back up.He's strong enough for the two of them. He can express his feelings without seeming feminine is his mannerisms (although it is okay to cry). He's self-assured, cool, laid back, honest, trustworthy, has knowledge of self, hard working and would do what he needed to provide for his family. She can be herself around this STAND UP MAN..she can come to him with any problem. He's not afraid to talk to her, NOT AT HER, when she does some he doesn't like. He's basically a MAN's MAN. He knows his role and wears it as a badge of honor. That STAND UP man have have different hobbies, personality traits, ways of life, or things that make him tick or interesting, but that's just added seasonings in that recipe of a man. What I described above, is a base.
Now, why doesn't she give you the same respect? There's something about YOU that doesn't speak to that basic biological instinct in women that would make her want to give you that respect. Insecurity radiates; it's your aura. You can be too clingy, seem too emotional, corny as hell, afraid to stand on your own 2 feet...there's a plethora of reasons. Now some reasons are trivial as hell and should be overlooked in the search for a suitable mate and can be eventually worked on (but then again...if women did overlook those reasons, she would begin to resent him and then, turn bitchy. Or if she tried to change him, she's wrong. Catch 22..but I digress). But if you're the guy she can take shopping and she'd ask you to hold her purse, there's something about you that takes away that vision of A MAN. But with that stand up guy, she wouldn't even formulate the thought. You can be the sweetest person in the world, but if you appear bitter about people and circumstances, afraid to be honest, scared to live, who pussyfoots, and a big complainer, why in the world would she want someone as emotional as she is? We look to men to counter our emotional states, not match it. A woman wants a man that she can let go and trust herself with. But if you have her heart, but you handle it with kid gloves, she will begin to have second thoughts. I've read so many statements, discussions, and debates between men about women and it seems as if men have replace women as the bitter sex. Where the FAWK are your balls? If you can't pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go back out there and try again (and that pertains to interactions with women, your occupations, and how you deal with people in your everyday lives), please explain why she would respect you as a MAN if you appear to cower at the first sign of bad news?
However, some women these days got the idea of a stand up man twisted, by dating drug dealers, criminals (ranging from your white collar to the local popular dope boy to the local weedman), or the man who has 4839349385 different girls everyday of the week..basically those that don't have her best interest at heart. But look at your most notorious criminals/rappers/athletes..what do they all have in common? They appear self assured, confident, charismatic, and give off an air of superiority. Of course the money, glitz, and glamor helps in attracting women, but the Alpha Male characteristics is the root of that attraction. Yes, these men are a detriment to our society and to our well-being individually and collectively, but with these "professions" (I use that loosely), you cannot be TIMID. At the risk of being cliche, they have qualities of a BOSS and a BOSS has to be a STAND UP GUY (in some form or fashion...its not always in a good way...Enron anyone?)
Also, women LOVE to be around the men that other people look up to, be around, hang on to their every word..the funny, self assured, charismatic man that can command the room. Now, true enough not all men will have these qualities, but there are men who possess a quiet strength. They don't always have to speak or to be seen. It can see identified with the way he walks, the way he holds his head, the grip of his handshake, the unwavering eye contact, the quiet, yet firm manner in which he speaks. But he still gives off an aura of CONFIDENCE.
Men who are often FZ'd tend to stay there, continuing with the hopes that they will change. Now while you're wishing upon a star, she's getting her guts beat in and she'll come back to you with the intricate details. Yet, you do more and more to make her see that you're the one she needs. Why would a woman take you out of the friend zone if she can reap the benefits of a relationship with you if she doesn't have to be in one with you? I've been FZ'd before and I said, "Fuck it..I already have enough friends so why am I gonna put myself through this? There's more out there." Yea they may be cool, but if I come to you with a genuine interest of getting to know you and maybe it growing into something more, and it is not returned, I'm not gaining anything from that and it's more harm than good. I'd be playing myself. I have no problem cutting people off and letting them go if they're prove to be...well...worthless. But if you are a man that has been FZ'd, and you cut off that friendship, you can gauge what type of person she is by her reaction. If she's fine and respects that, she either genuinely doesn't A) give a fuck and was using you or B) Hates to see you go, but understand your reasoning. If she's mad about it, she either A) Genuinely treasures your friendship or B) Is mad that she's losing perks.
In a nutshell, it's not us...it's YOU.
So, today I was reading a note about being put in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE (or for you men reading, putting women in the the Jump Off Zone) and the people that responded had these long, drawn out, elaborate reasons as to why one would be put in the FZ. But between that and the bitter ass men that sound more and more like women when discussing the opposite sex.... (and yes, I have been FZ'd (and JOZ'd) and I have done some FZ'ing JOZ'ing)
It all boils down to one basic thing...Aretha said it best....
R-E-S-P-E-C-T...and how it's given. (And the simple fact...THEY'RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!)
Now why would a woman put a man in the FZ? A seemingly GOOD man at that? She doesn't respect you in the romantic sense. Meaning...she thinks you're a pussy. She may respect you as a person, as a friend, or whatever title she gave you..but not as a man she can give her heart to and trust with it.
Different women have 39948948957 traits they look for in a man, but one thing remains constant...A STAND UP MAN. Meaning a man that's not afraid to lead, because most women would not mind, and would LOVE to submit (not meaning docile..but letting a man take his natural role in the relationship) to a man, but they know that man would guide her and the relationship in a direction that's beneficial for the BOTH of them, and would also confer with her before making any final decisions. Contrary to popular belief (and romance novels) , these are not always the most gorgeous men you've ever laid your eyes on. But he is still a man that is secure and confident in his masculinity, but not afraid to show his passion for her without thinking he's soft or a simp because he can appreciate the woman he has. If something catastrophic happened and she broke down, she know that man will be the rock she needs and he'll let her lean on him, but he will build her back up.He's strong enough for the two of them. He can express his feelings without seeming feminine is his mannerisms (although it is okay to cry). He's self-assured, cool, laid back, honest, trustworthy, has knowledge of self, hard working and would do what he needed to provide for his family. She can be herself around this STAND UP MAN..she can come to him with any problem. He's not afraid to talk to her, NOT AT HER, when she does some he doesn't like. He's basically a MAN's MAN. He knows his role and wears it as a badge of honor. That STAND UP man have have different hobbies, personality traits, ways of life, or things that make him tick or interesting, but that's just added seasonings in that recipe of a man. What I described above, is a base.
Now, why doesn't she give you the same respect? There's something about YOU that doesn't speak to that basic biological instinct in women that would make her want to give you that respect. Insecurity radiates; it's your aura. You can be too clingy, seem too emotional, corny as hell, afraid to stand on your own 2 feet...there's a plethora of reasons. Now some reasons are trivial as hell and should be overlooked in the search for a suitable mate and can be eventually worked on (but then again...if women did overlook those reasons, she would begin to resent him and then, turn bitchy. Or if she tried to change him, she's wrong. Catch 22..but I digress). But if you're the guy she can take shopping and she'd ask you to hold her purse, there's something about you that takes away that vision of A MAN. But with that stand up guy, she wouldn't even formulate the thought. You can be the sweetest person in the world, but if you appear bitter about people and circumstances, afraid to be honest, scared to live, who pussyfoots, and a big complainer, why in the world would she want someone as emotional as she is? We look to men to counter our emotional states, not match it. A woman wants a man that she can let go and trust herself with. But if you have her heart, but you handle it with kid gloves, she will begin to have second thoughts. I've read so many statements, discussions, and debates between men about women and it seems as if men have replace women as the bitter sex. Where the FAWK are your balls? If you can't pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go back out there and try again (and that pertains to interactions with women, your occupations, and how you deal with people in your everyday lives), please explain why she would respect you as a MAN if you appear to cower at the first sign of bad news?
However, some women these days got the idea of a stand up man twisted, by dating drug dealers, criminals (ranging from your white collar to the local popular dope boy to the local weedman), or the man who has 4839349385 different girls everyday of the week..basically those that don't have her best interest at heart. But look at your most notorious criminals/rappers/athletes
Also, women LOVE to be around the men that other people look up to, be around, hang on to their every word..the funny, self assured, charismatic man that can command the room. Now, true enough not all men will have these qualities, but there are men who possess a quiet strength. They don't always have to speak or to be seen. It can see identified with the way he walks, the way he holds his head, the grip of his handshake, the unwavering eye contact, the quiet, yet firm manner in which he speaks. But he still gives off an aura of CONFIDENCE.
Men who are often FZ'd tend to stay there, continuing with the hopes that they will change. Now while you're wishing upon a star, she's getting her guts beat in and she'll come back to you with the intricate details. Yet, you do more and more to make her see that you're the one she needs. Why would a woman take you out of the friend zone if she can reap the benefits of a relationship with you if she doesn't have to be in one with you? I've been FZ'd before and I said, "Fuck it..I already have enough friends so why am I gonna put myself through this? There's more out there." Yea they may be cool, but if I come to you with a genuine interest of getting to know you and maybe it growing into something more, and it is not returned, I'm not gaining anything from that and it's more harm than good. I'd be playing myself. I have no problem cutting people off and letting them go if they're prove to be...well...worthless. But if you are a man that has been FZ'd, and you cut off that friendship, you can gauge what type of person she is by her reaction. If she's fine and respects that, she either genuinely doesn't A) give a fuck and was using you or B) Hates to see you go, but understand your reasoning. If she's mad about it, she either A) Genuinely treasures your friendship or B) Is mad that she's losing perks.
In a nutshell, it's not us...it's YOU.
Monday, September 8, 2008
The Declaration of Self Sufficiency....for the Single Woman
Author's Note: Before I begin, let me start off by stating this. While I am single and fine with that, there is someone I do care for, but circumstances and situations have brought things to a halt, and I am also okay with that. So to whom it may concern, if you read this, know that I still care and I'm still here if you need me. I do understand that you have to take care of you first and I just want you to be okay for yourself and your kids first. So anything that could be construed as man-hating and derogatory does not apply to you. When you find yourself in a better place..you know where to find me :)
So, I've been wanting to write this blog for a while. I could just never articulate it the way I wanted to. But after reading a thread on a message board entitled "Why Black Men are Choosing White Women: The Movie" and reading some of the comments, especially about Black Women, everything just kinda fell into place.
First off, let me state MY facts: I'm 24, single, a broke ass college student, childless, moderately attractive..I'm no supermodel but I don't think anyone would be ashamed to be seen with me in public, average sized but I could stand to lose a few lbs. and tone up..but couldn't we all? I think I'm a pretty cool chick with a bitch streak that I don't hide from anyone. I'm the first to admit I can be moody. I'm goofy with a child's heart. I'm honest about my quirks and my flaws, for I have nothing to hide from anyone about what makes me tick. After conversations with a few men, a constant question is always thrown in: WHY HASN'T SOMEONE SCOOPED YOU UP YET? That was a question I used to asked myself a lot. I really thought something was wrong with me.
But now, I bask in my singledom.
Albeit, it took heartbreak, some solitude, financial distress, school, some soul searching, a change of attitude and outlook on life, and 2 jobs to get there..but dammit I'm THERE. Everything isn't roses in my life right now, butI never imagined such joy. I can see and do (
Men have looked at me like they've seen a unicorn when I tell them I don't have kids. But when I tell some that I'm content in my bachelorettehood, it's like Jesus just came back and he was doing the Soulja Boy. Then, I get the "oh you must be bitter and hate men" response. That couldn't be any further from the truth. I LOVE men. I love sex. I love the energy they give off and warmth while sleeping next to them. From geeks to your local neighborhood, average joe, I love their swag, confidence, the different shades, hairstyles, rhythm and everything else inbetween..
It's a catch 22. Men are forever crying about a woman wanting to be up under them and not having an identity outside of their relationships, but when they meet one who isn't too wrapped up in men and leads her own life, I gotta be a man-hater?! WTF do you men want?! Oh shit, why am I asking...I don't give a crippled McCain fuck what y'all want...Why do some of you seem put off about a chick that's not looking to grovel at your feet or chasing a husband with a house and a picket fence, especially when most of you are NOT trying to get married now or maybe never? Are we not supposed to be happy without you?
I do understand men loved to feel needed and wanted as we all do, but I am going through an admitted selfish stage in my life and the need to do me and please myself first GREATLY outweighs the need to please anyone else of the opposite sex and your needs are not of any of my concern right now. But don't get it twisted; I am alone but far from lonely and not lacking male companionship in ANY way.
But the main reason is...I have too much going on right now in my life and I don't have the time, nor the energy to devote to anyone emotionally (and maybe I don't want to?) But between working 2 jobs and an occasional side hustle and school 5 days a week, I'm gone from 7 am to 10 pm and when I get home, my only thoughts are food and sleep, and my days off are resevered for relaxing how I see fit and doing any running around I need to do...My idea of chillin out is NOT someone trying to kiss all over me and giving me drunk ass foot rubs (yes this happened not too long ago)..People just need to get that in the grand scheme of things, they're not my first thought. Not to sound arrogant, but if people just knew how to REALLY chill out around me..MAYBE they'd get some of my off time..until then..I'll stick with staying at home and downloading music and pr0n :) But to those that do understand that because THEY HAVE OTHER THINGS TO DO AS WELL...Good Job!
While I am happy with my status in life, you will never hear me scream "I'M INDEPENDENT FUCK THESE NIGGAS UMMA DO ME!" while singing the lastest Fuck 'Em Girl anthem in the club at the top of my lungs. These are the ones who need other bitter bitches and chickenhead empowerment songs it make it through their lonely existence. I prefer the term 'self-sufficient'. To me that says, " while it would be GREAT to have a man around financially, it's not a necessity and I can take care of myself if I had to." In a way I do believe men and women need each other in a way, the reasons behind that need is perverted in a sense (whole 'nother blog)
One day I do believe I'll make a great wife and mother. I have the capability to make someone happy as I type, but I don't wanna. I don't NEED a man to complete me, just to complement me. The unintentional scowl you may see as being a bitter bitch is more than likely due to me thinking about something...We happily single woman are not bitter, angry, lesbians, nor lonely...we just smartened the hell up.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
"Just Say No......."
Is what you were told as a child if someone asked you to do drugs. It was constantly beat into your head that drugs are bad. Death was the only end result. What you didn't learn until you were much older that all drugs, while habit forming, are not bad. But on the other hand, too much of a good thing is indeed bad for you.....
Kanye West asked, " What's your addiction? Is it money, is it girls, is it weed? I've been afflicted, not one, not two, but all three." I've prided myself on not having an addictive personality. Other than food, nothing else has brought me such pleasure (but we gotta eat to live, right?) I never understood how someone could let something cloud their judgment and take over.
I think I have found my addiction and the withdrawal is a mofo.
I first felt this high a few weeks ago. I expected it to be good, but what I got was mind blowing and soul stirring. The first time I divulged in my new found narcotic, I went somewhere so high and so far that Yahweh had to tell me "AYE BITCH...YOU TRIPPIN". The first time I felt the rush... that euphoria course through my body, I knew that this was something that I NEEDED. This exceeded all expectations. I remained on this trip for 2 days and I still feel the after effects to this day. I went on more than just a physical ride. I was mentally intoxicated the entire duration of my high, which was intensified 100x over when I was able to share what I felt with another. Whoever said drugs were bad, lied...or they were holding all the good shit for themselves.
But what are you to do when it isn't easily accessible? When you have to go through hell and high water to have another taste of sin? How do you deal with a craving so deep, so intense it HURTS? I've had my ups and down with my issue....BUT FUCK....how do I shake this shit?!
But what if I don't wanna say no?
Kanye West asked, " What's your addiction? Is it money, is it girls, is it weed? I've been afflicted, not one, not two, but all three." I've prided myself on not having an addictive personality. Other than food, nothing else has brought me such pleasure (but we gotta eat to live, right?) I never understood how someone could let something cloud their judgment and take over.
I think I have found my addiction and the withdrawal is a mofo.
I first felt this high a few weeks ago. I expected it to be good, but what I got was mind blowing and soul stirring. The first time I divulged in my new found narcotic, I went somewhere so high and so far that Yahweh had to tell me "AYE BITCH...YOU TRIPPIN". The first time I felt the rush... that euphoria course through my body, I knew that this was something that I NEEDED. This exceeded all expectations. I remained on this trip for 2 days and I still feel the after effects to this day. I went on more than just a physical ride. I was mentally intoxicated the entire duration of my high, which was intensified 100x over when I was able to share what I felt with another. Whoever said drugs were bad, lied...or they were holding all the good shit for themselves.
But what are you to do when it isn't easily accessible? When you have to go through hell and high water to have another taste of sin? How do you deal with a craving so deep, so intense it HURTS? I've had my ups and down with my issue....BUT FUCK....how do I shake this shit?!
But what if I don't wanna say no?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Cuttin mah toofes
First time using blogger...the awkwardness is over with! Now I can post butt naked with the lights on!
LOL but this will be the new home of my random thoughts, ramblings, opinions, rants or whatever. I think a lot of random shit and sometimes it may not even make sense. But that's the beauty of having your own blog...it doesn't have to make sense to the rest of you meeps! But I'll probably blog a little later on...
smewchez (smooches..say it phonetically)
LOL but this will be the new home of my random thoughts, ramblings, opinions, rants or whatever. I think a lot of random shit and sometimes it may not even make sense. But that's the beauty of having your own blog...it doesn't have to make sense to the rest of you meeps! But I'll probably blog a little later on...
smewchez (smooches..say it phonetically)
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