So, today I was reading a note about being put in the dreaded FRIEND ZONE (or for you men reading, putting women in the the Jump Off Zone) and the people that responded had these long, drawn out, elaborate reasons as to why one would be put in the FZ. But between that and the bitter ass men that sound more and more like women when discussing the opposite sex.... (and yes, I have been FZ'd (and JOZ'd) and I have done some FZ'ing JOZ'ing)
It all boils down to one basic thing...Aretha said it best....
R-E-S-P-E-C-T...and how it's given. (And the simple fact...THEY'RE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU!)
Now why would a woman put a man in the FZ? A seemingly GOOD man at that? She doesn't respect you in the romantic sense. Meaning...she thinks you're a pussy. She may respect you as a person, as a friend, or whatever title she gave you..but not as a man she can give her heart to and trust with it.
Different women have 39948948957 traits they look for in a man, but one thing remains constant...A STAND UP MAN. Meaning a man that's not afraid to lead, because most women would not mind, and would LOVE to submit (not meaning docile..but letting a man take his natural role in the relationship) to a man, but they know that man would guide her and the relationship in a direction that's beneficial for the BOTH of them, and would also confer with her before making any final decisions. Contrary to popular belief (and romance novels) , these are not always the most gorgeous men you've ever laid your eyes on. But he is still a man that is secure and confident in his masculinity, but not afraid to show his passion for her without thinking he's soft or a simp because he can appreciate the woman he has. If something catastrophic happened and she broke down, she know that man will be the rock she needs and he'll let her lean on him, but he will build her back up.He's strong enough for the two of them. He can express his feelings without seeming feminine is his mannerisms (although it is okay to cry). He's self-assured, cool, laid back, honest, trustworthy, has knowledge of self, hard working and would do what he needed to provide for his family. She can be herself around this STAND UP MAN..she can come to him with any problem. He's not afraid to talk to her, NOT AT HER, when she does some he doesn't like. He's basically a MAN's MAN. He knows his role and wears it as a badge of honor. That STAND UP man have have different hobbies, personality traits, ways of life, or things that make him tick or interesting, but that's just added seasonings in that recipe of a man. What I described above, is a base.
Now, why doesn't she give you the same respect? There's something about YOU that doesn't speak to that basic biological instinct in women that would make her want to give you that respect. Insecurity radiates; it's your aura. You can be too clingy, seem too emotional, corny as hell, afraid to stand on your own 2 feet...there's a plethora of reasons. Now some reasons are trivial as hell and should be overlooked in the search for a suitable mate and can be eventually worked on (but then again...if women did overlook those reasons, she would begin to resent him and then, turn bitchy. Or if she tried to change him, she's wrong. Catch 22..but I digress). But if you're the guy she can take shopping and she'd ask you to hold her purse, there's something about you that takes away that vision of A MAN. But with that stand up guy, she wouldn't even formulate the thought. You can be the sweetest person in the world, but if you appear bitter about people and circumstances, afraid to be honest, scared to live, who pussyfoots, and a big complainer, why in the world would she want someone as emotional as she is? We look to men to counter our emotional states, not match it. A woman wants a man that she can let go and trust herself with. But if you have her heart, but you handle it with kid gloves, she will begin to have second thoughts. I've read so many statements, discussions, and debates between men about women and it seems as if men have replace women as the bitter sex. Where the FAWK are your balls? If you can't pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go back out there and try again (and that pertains to interactions with women, your occupations, and how you deal with people in your everyday lives), please explain why she would respect you as a MAN if you appear to cower at the first sign of bad news?
However, some women these days got the idea of a stand up man twisted, by dating drug dealers, criminals (ranging from your white collar to the local popular dope boy to the local weedman), or the man who has 4839349385 different girls everyday of the week..basically those that don't have her best interest at heart. But look at your most notorious criminals/rappers/athletes
Also, women LOVE to be around the men that other people look up to, be around, hang on to their every word..the funny, self assured, charismatic man that can command the room. Now, true enough not all men will have these qualities, but there are men who possess a quiet strength. They don't always have to speak or to be seen. It can see identified with the way he walks, the way he holds his head, the grip of his handshake, the unwavering eye contact, the quiet, yet firm manner in which he speaks. But he still gives off an aura of CONFIDENCE.
Men who are often FZ'd tend to stay there, continuing with the hopes that they will change. Now while you're wishing upon a star, she's getting her guts beat in and she'll come back to you with the intricate details. Yet, you do more and more to make her see that you're the one she needs. Why would a woman take you out of the friend zone if she can reap the benefits of a relationship with you if she doesn't have to be in one with you? I've been FZ'd before and I said, "Fuck it..I already have enough friends so why am I gonna put myself through this? There's more out there." Yea they may be cool, but if I come to you with a genuine interest of getting to know you and maybe it growing into something more, and it is not returned, I'm not gaining anything from that and it's more harm than good. I'd be playing myself. I have no problem cutting people off and letting them go if they're prove to be...well...worthless. But if you are a man that has been FZ'd, and you cut off that friendship, you can gauge what type of person she is by her reaction. If she's fine and respects that, she either genuinely doesn't A) give a fuck and was using you or B) Hates to see you go, but understand your reasoning. If she's mad about it, she either A) Genuinely treasures your friendship or B) Is mad that she's losing perks.
In a nutshell, it's not us...it's YOU.
